


Can You Sleep At Night?

by literalcat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Intervention, basically a vent work but it doesnt like end sadly i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 05:45:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11155467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literalcat/pseuds/literalcat
Summary: In which Keith decides he has well and truly had enough. But people bad at decision making in the best of times, aren't they?(aka i vented about suicidal feelings a lot here, but it actually doesnt end sadly. everyone lives, dont worry.)





	Can You Sleep At Night?

It was the twenty-third of April, 12:46 a.m., in a place and life that never truly felt like home, when Keith decided he was done. He stood atop a cliff’s edge, overlooking the water, and wondered if he really had the guts to do this.

In the weeks preceding that day, Keith had been thinking. He’d come to the conclusion that his life was, in all honesty, meaningless. He realised he’d just been drifting through it without any purpose, always waiting, waiting, waiting. He wasn’t necessarily sad, or happy, or angry. Just blank. Empty.

It felt like his days were just full of waiting. Waiting for class to end, for the blissfully quiet half-our of lunch. Waiting for the day to end, so he could be at home and completely alone. Waiting for night to fall, so he could sleep and forget everything. Waiting for the week to end, so he could sleep all Saturday. Waiting for the term to end, the semester, the year, his life. All he did was wait, pointlessly, for the brief moments of solitude and peace.

His shoulders always ached. He was always tired. He was failing all of his classes, he knew. His head constantly buzzed with static; even kind words and touches were drawn into the messy haze of discomfort and dull, dreary pain. And he was done with it all.

As he lay on top of cold sheets in a familiar, yet unfamiliar bed, and a familiar, yet unfamiliar home, he had decided he really, truly was done. Finished. Over. His life would never have meaning anymore, nothing beyond waiting for aloneness- or oblivion, he couldn’t tell anymore. He would finally put an end to all of it.

Keith shoved the sheets aside, careful as to not wake Shiro. His family had been kind enough to take Keith in as a foster child when he was orphaned, and he didn’t want to repay that by waking them up on the night he planned to die. He contemplated leaving a note, and decided against it.

Briefly, as he mounted his bike and sped down the highway, Keith thought of how Shiro would feel, if he knew. No, of how Shiro was going to feel when he found out.

Keith shuddered and pushed the thought from his mind. No. No. Nothing would stop him now. He wouldn’t let it.

He knew where he was headed. A quiet, serene little haven, away from the city. Private. Hidden. It was beautiful, and perfect. He parked his motorbike far away from the edge, and walked towards it, ignoring the chill on his skin. Wind wouldn’t bother him anymore, after tonight.

The water glistened in the moonlight, as if someone had showered silver glitter over its surface. A dim blue light hung over the clearing- soft green grass had become a hazy, misty grey, and the trees surrounding him looked blackened. Keith felt his pulse race as he looked out over the water.

_Just jump. Just jump. It’ll end everything. It’ll fix everything. You can do it. You can do it._

He wondered why his breath had quickened, why his heart was pounding. Keith swallowed. _It’ll be over in less than a second if you just jump. Then you won’t have a chance to second guess yourself, will you, Keith?_

Keith leaned out over the edge and closed his eyes. Wind howling in his ears, he tipped forwards.

He barely registered the cry of “Oh, no, you don’t!” and footsteps behind him, but a pair of arms wrapped themselves tightly around Keith’s torso and hauled him back on land. “No, no, no, and no. Nope. You are not dying today.”

Keith twisted to get out of the mystery person’s grip, and they both fell back onto the grass. “Let me go!”

“Only if you promise you won’t jump again!”

“Like that’s any of your business!” He snapped, finally pulling himself free and jumping back on to his feet, hands up in a guard. He found himself staring down at a boy- probably not much older than him, with a pretty face and a sad eyes. Keith faltered, his mind clearing, and lowered his hands. Who was this kid?

As if reading his mind, the boy laughed incredulously and said “The name’s Lance. Glad to have saved your life.” Lance stood up and bowed dramatically. Then, he did something odd; he walked towards Keith, getting uncomfortably close, and Keith’s breath caught. His eyes glowed blue in the early morning sky, like alarmingly clear, pure water. He realised Lance was peering over his shoulder, at the serene sea below.

“Why did you save me?” Keith asked, realising as his voice trembled that he was shaking. He was anxious to break whatever uncomfortable silence had settled over them.

Lance shook his head. Something passed across his face, and he grew serious- solemn, even. “Nobody deserves to die.” He said simply. “I mean, the way I see it, as long as you’re still alive, there’s hope for the future, right? Hope for things to actually get better someday. Besides,” he added, smirking. “There’s a shortage of cute boys in the world. It’d be a shame if you died.”

Keith didn’t want to blush at that. He did not want to blush after a stupid Princess-Bride comment, coming from some random person who had, for no reason, saved a complete stranger from dying when he wanted to. It wouldn’t feel right and it pissed him off that this- this _Lance_ could possibly SAY something like that, given the circumstance. And yet, later, he would have the sneaking suspicion that he had blushed.

He scowled, and almost stormed right back towards the cliff, just to spite him. Lance seemed to guess what he was thinking, and grabbed his arm. “Nope. I already told you, you aren’t dying today. Not allowed. I’m forbidding it.”

“Why do _you_ care?!” He snapped, trying to pull his arm away, faintly surprised at how tight his grip was. Lance was stronger than he looked.

“Already told you! Nobody just deserves to die like that. Don’t you realise people are gonna miss you?”

“You don’t even _know_ me, Lance.”

“Well, no, but I do know someone cares about you, and they don’t want to see you dead!” He said. _Sounds like something Shiro would say._ Keith did a double-take. Actually, it sounded _exactly_ like something Shiro would say.

 _Shiro,_ Keith thought. How worried must he be right now? It was gradually getting light- no doubt Keith’s alarm had already gone  off, or soon would. What would Shiro think, walking into Keith’s room with that teasing smile, to tell his little brother off for sleeping in, only to find he’d disappeared? What would he do? Would he just assume Keith had left for work early?

No, he would panic, searching the house in a frenzy, crying as he phoned Allura or Hunk to ask if they’d seen him. Would he call the police? Would Shiro assume the worst, and just collapse, staring blankly into nothingness wondering what he could’ve done? Or worse: would he blame himself for what happened? What if Keith’s suicide drove Shiro to the same fate?

He felt suddenly queasy, and looked away. Lance sighed, his hand slipping from Keith’s shoulder and taking hold of his wrist. “Look, maybe the someone-who-cares is me, okay? I’ll care about you, even if you think nobody else will. Just promise me one thing, will you?”

Keith looked up then, realising with a shock, like one coming out of a trance, the full weight of what he had planned to do. No, what he would have done, if Lance hadn’t have saved him.

Keith wondered for a moment why Lance’s face was blurred. Then he noticed he was crying.

“Wh- what?”

Lance slipped a bit of paper into his hand. “Give me a call if you ever feel like this again.” Lance paused. “You know,” he added, smirking. “This isn’t my USUAL method of giving cute people my phone number, but I think for you, I can make an exception.”

Keith took the paper.  He didn’t really have the energy to argue with him anymore. He wanted to say “thanks for saving me”, but all that came out was “I’m so sorry,” His hands shook, and his knees buckled. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…”

Lance caught him, pulled him into a hug. “Shh… Hey, hey, it’s alright. You’re still alive, it’s okay…”

They stayed like that, until the sun glowed red as it rose just above the horizon.

 

“Um… Thanks.” Keith said awkwardly as they pulled apart, trying not to sniffle.

Lance just smiled, eyes shining slightly. “Anytime. Go back home, goddammit, someone’s probably worried sick over you.”

Keith smiled back, albeit a little jerkily, and made his way back to his motorbike. “Don’t let me catch you near here again, y’hear? Or else we might be forced to have another bonding moment!” Lance called. Keith almost laughed despite himself, waving goodbye to the strange boy who’d saved him.

He saw an old, well-loved bicycle that had been carelessly shoved to the ground against Keith’s own motorbike, electric blue against the motorbike’s deep red, and propped it up against a nearby tree before leaving.

Keith was almost home when he realised he’d never stopped to ask why Lance was there in the first place. Heart suddenly pounding again, head fuzzy, Keith screeched to a halt and turned around, racing back towards the clearing. Keith may still have wanted to kill himself, but he’d be damned if he let Lance die, too. No-one like that deserved to die.

The sun was rising steadily now, changing from deep red to chilling, cruel white. If Shiro wasn’t worried before, he definitely would be now. But that didn’t matter.

Keith stopped short beside the grass, not even bothering to take off his helmet as he broke into a run towards the cliff. He stopped short at the edge, heart leaping as he stumbled, nearly slipping down. He’d almost fallen, he realised. He was scared of falling. In any other circumstance, Keith would have laughed at the irony.

But he didn’t. Instead, he dropped to his knees, muttering “No, no, no, please no..” Frantically, he scanned the crashing water below for that pretty brown face, those sad eyes, that ghost of a smile. He prayed it wasn’t there- he wasn’t even religious, and he prayed that Lance hadn’t… That he wouldn’t find…

Lance wasn’t there, as far as he could tell. Keith exhaled- he didn’t even realise he was holding his breath. He actually did laugh then, but it wasn’t a happy noise. It was beaten-down, and sad, and incredulous, and wild.

He collapsed back onto the grass, exhausted and unable to move, and stayed there, watching the sun rise high into the sky.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: retrograderenegade  
> main account: nehanshika_524


End file.
